The Cold Light of Day
by Speary
Summary: Dean feels the cold deep in his bones. He feels his age. He feels his life stretching out in a long string of lonesome days. Then there is Cas who is trailing along with him on a hunt into the High Sierras. Cas doesn't even believe that there's a case out there, but for Dean he goes anyway. That's how it always is for them, only now Dean sees it for what it is. Destiel, Case!fic.
1. Chapter 1: Into the Cold

It was a cold December. The kind of cold that etches into your bones. They hadn't been able to leave the bunker, and within just a week, Dean began losing it. "Find something, anything," he said to Sam who was making his way through a workout routine that he had devised for when he couldn't get in his morning run.

"The Impala can't handle this weather, Dean. Just accept it." Sam went from push-ups to sit-ups. Dean leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms. It wasn't like Kansas had been covered in snow, but everything was frozen. The roads were covered in a sheet of black ice, and driving was most definitely a risk. Other parts of the U.S. had gotten snow, so much of it in fact, that the news broadcasters of the world were calling it the storm of the century, and no one disagreed.

"She can handle it. The roads have been cleared in most of the worst places, and there's bound to be something in maybe a warmer climate. Look into Florida maybe or Texas." Dean started bouncing a little, popping on and off the wall in a visible display of his frustration at being cooped up.

"You'd still have to drive to Texas or Florida, unless you've gotten over your fear of flying." Dean scowled at him. "Hardly matters. The only thing I found was that one Yeti thing, and that was not even worth considering." Sam got up now and plucked a towel off a chair and mopped up his sweat. "You know, you're perfectly capable of using the Internet too. I haven't heard any brilliant suggestions from you."

"Maybe that's because I thought the Yeti thing was credible, and you and Cas shot me down. Still don't get how you don't see it. I mean, it is _so_ not animal attacks."

"I just don't see it, Dean. Plus it is way up in the High Sierras. You're gonna have to put chains on the Impala if you plan to make it up there."

"Like that would be a big deal. She can handle it." Dean felt that Baby deserved a bit of defense. He huffed out a bit of frustration into the conversation.

Sam picked up a jump rope that was hanging over on a hook. He found a clear spot and started jumping. The rhythm of it would have been soothing if Dean had not been so worked up. "You think it's something, then you can go check it out. I'm staying."

"It's not a one man job. I mean if it is something like a Yeti, or whatnot, then I'm gonna need backup." Dean felt like he might be able to mount a convincing argument. Sam began jumping faster, the rope now a blur of white spiralling around him. "You wouldn't want me to get hurt out there or do something stupid." He knew that last part was a risk, but he didn't want to go alone. It would be almost as bad as just staying in the bunker watching Sam excersize.

"Take Cas then," Sam said it so casually while continuing to jump rope that Dean didn't know how to respond. He and Cas didn't really do hunts without Sam. Yeah, there had been the odd thing here and there where Sam would end up going off to research while they took care of other stuff, but nothing that was completely just them. _Well, there was that one time…_ He cut off his thoughts. It had been a long time ago. He didn't like to think about things he couldn't fix and that time was full of unfixables.

"Pretty sure he's busy."

"Pretty sure he's not." Sam stopped jumping. _Finally._ Dean pushed off the wall and walked out. _Guess it won't hurt to ask._

* * *

Cas didn't even think about it. Dean asked, and Cas said he would go. He added that he did not think that there was a credible threat. That served to irk Dean a bit more, but he would take what he could get.

They had managed to drive all the way to Nevada without incident, even making it into the Sierras without adding chains. The roads had been cleared for the most part, and the blanket of snow that surrounded them made everything seem fresh and new.

The town that they came to in the dead of the night was largely a ghost town. No one wanted to stay in a place where so much unexplained violence had recently occurred. Most just thought that it was a series of wild animal attacks, but there were those who said it was something else, something they couldn't quite explain. At least that's what they said in the news reports that Sam had read.

Dean parked the Impala near the dimly lit office of the Timber Cove Lodge. It was one of the few places in the tiny town that seemed to be open. It was mostly a collection of tiny cabins, unlike the usual places that Dean found himself in while on a hunt. Dean hauled out the bags and made his way to the office to check in, leaving Cas at the car.

The office was dingy and everything felt like it was gritty, from the doorknob to the counter. Everything in the room was beige and covered in faux oak paneling that was likely installed in the mid-seventies. The old man sitting behind the counter was watching the tv. The ding of _The Family Feud_ answers greeted Dean as he set down one of the bags he was carrying and leaned into the counter. "Hey there."

"Hey yourself," the man replied. He reached up and scratched at his bristly chin. "You a reporter or a fed?"

Dean was wearing a suit, so it was a reasonable question. He hadn't yet decided on a cover story. "Fed. Just investigating the recent violence you had up in the hills. I'll likely need a room for myself and my partner."

The man stood and looked past Dean out into the front lot where Cas was, leaning against the hood of the Impala just waiting for Dean to return. "Do you want two cabins?"

"That won't be necessary. Save the taxpayers a few bucks." Dean pulled out his wallet and selected a credit card.

"Well, I got two queens available in the cabin out yonder. It's pretty quiet around here, so you'll likely sleep just as well there as anywhere. Pretty much everyone that had reservations cancelled after the fourth attack. Don't know how the wife and I are going to make it without the usual seasonal traffic."

"Maybe things will look up once we figure out what led to all of the violence. Heard that it might have been an animal. Mind if I ask what you heard about all of this?"

The old man swiped Dean's credit card through the machine and set it back on the counter. He had a squint that looked like he was fighting off a headache or trying to get a read on Dean. Dean wasn't sure which it was. He maintained his neutral appearance so as to give the guy some confidence. The man drummed his fingers for a moment and looked at Dean. He ripped the receipt tape and set it on the counter for Dean to sign and said, "I'm a hunter. I've bagged some big creatures before, but nothing I've ever encountered could have done what was done to those people."

Dean tipped his head to the side. "You saw the bodies?"

"Yes, one of them was a friend of my wife's. I did the ID so she wouldn't have to. I wasn't close to him or anything, so it shouldn't have been much of a thing. Well, it kinda was." He fell silent for a moment. "It didn't kill to feed. It just tore him apart. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say the claws that tore into him were roughly as thick as a broom handle. Claws aren't like that unless the creature's huge."

"So it's a big animal attack?"

"No, someone is killing people and making it look like an animal attack. Like I said, no animal has claws like that unless they are huge, and there are no animals that size, at least not that I've encountered. So you need to be careful if you venture out there looking for it." The man reached under the counter with that pronouncement and brought up an old key with a hanging orange plastic fob. "Here ya go. If you get hungry, there's a couple of places downtown that'll welcome your business."

Dean turned to go, stooping to pick up the bag at his feet as he did so. "Thanks for the info. Also, is there a place where we can rent something that will get us through the snow? We might need to trek up into the mountains a bit to see one of the crime scenes."

"Yeah, just check out Eddie's place. It's in town. You really won't have trouble finding anything around here. Town is one street. Eddie's a nice guy, rents skis and snowmobiles, so you should find something useful there."

"Well, thanks again." Dean shoved the door open and the cold blast of air slapped him in the face. Cas seemed unaffected by the weather that was rough to say the least. His hair was windblown, but other than that, he didn't seem to look at all different. Dean gave Cas a nod and they both started walking off to the other end of the property. There were a number of little cabins dotting the area, all of which were part of the little resort. Dean quickly located theirs and considered moving the Impala closer. _Maybe later._ They had already practically arrived at the doorstep anyway. He shivered a little with the next harsh wind that buffeted him at the door.

Cas reached out and took the key as Dean's hand was shaking. "You're freezing." It was the first thing Cas had said in the last hour.

"No shit." His teeth were chattering now and Dean thought that he shouldn't be this cold. They just walked from the office to the cabin, a mere 50 yards away.

Cas pushed the door open and with his other hand on Dean's back propelled him into the equally cold room. Dean stomped his feet a couple of times to loosen up any snow that might have hitched a ride into the room from the parking lot. Cas walked past him to the fireplace and with a flick of his hand, flames sprang up in the space. Dean tossed the bags onto the end of the bed and came over to the new warmth and Cas' side.

"Guy in the office doesn't think that it's an animal. Said it was something pretending to be an animal." Dean held his hands out in front of him trying to catch the heat from the fire.

Cas was watching him, then said, "I'm somewhat inclined to agree with your brother though. It does seem more like an actual animal."

This was basically what he had said in the car over an hour ago. It is also the very thing that led to them not talking for a bit. Dean felt in his bones that he was right. He really just wanted Cas to agree with him. He humphed out a breath of frustration and pulled his hands to his mouth to blow warmth onto them. Cas watched him, face all serious in the dark room that neither of them bothered to address beyond the starting of the fire. The light switch was over by the door and Dean was unwilling to leave the fire to turn it on. "It's something. If you don't think so, why'd you come?" Dean practically glared at him, but was too cold to give the look much menace.

Cas reached out and took his hands into his own. Dean stiffened a little at the unexpected act. Cas' own hands seemed to fully blanket Dean's. Cas dropped his head a little, and Dean felt warmth course through him. The shivering stopped and his hands were warm. "I decided that when a Winchester goes off on his own, he tends to make bad choices. Since your brother seemed content to not wander off on his own, you became the person to focus upon. Following you into the middle of nowhere to keep you out of trouble is what I do, and why I am here."

Dean pulled his hands back, thankfully warmer, and he puffed up a little as he said, "I don't need a goddamn babysitter."

Cas hummed a non-committally in response and turned more fully to the fire than to Dean. "Are you saying that you want me to go?"

Dean was about to reply in anger, but stopped before the words found a path into the space between them. He didn't want Cas to go. He never wanted Cas to go. He didn't want to be alone either. Cas began to move off to the door as if he were going to assume that Dean's silence meant _yes._ "No, don't go." Dean's words were more subdued now. They settled into the room, into the flickering orange light that filled the space between them.

"Okay then."

"Could you at least pretend that you agree with me?"

Cas was not good at some things. Pretending was one of them. "Sure Dean, there is a demon, monster, creature in the woods that is clawing people to death. I'm sure we will find him and vanquish him."

"Shut up." Dean gave him a shove and turned to unpack his bag. There was no bite in his words, and Cas may have laughed a little as Dean turned his back on him.

They fell into silence for a bit as Dean sorted out his clothes, intending to start the search for their mystery creature in the morning. Cas sat at the window staring out into the darkness. Dean's gaze lingered for a moment or two. Cas had been quieter lately, more contemplative. He wondered what was occupying Cas' mind during the moments that he seemed to be off somewhere else.

"Gonna shower and hit the hay," Dean scooped up a t-shirt and clean boxer briefs and wandered into the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror and noted the tiny lines forming at the edges of his eyes. _Old._ He thought this every now and again. He wasn't really, but he felt it sometimes when he took a punch or when he had to run at break-neck speeds from whatever evil they were dealing with in the moment. _Too old for this._ Now that was probably a more accurate thought. Hunters usually had an expiration date that took care of this kind of thing. One day you're fighting, then the next you're dead. The saga ends and you aren't old anymore. Dean though had wondered if it would ever really end for him. _How could it when your best friend was an angel and your brother was tenacious?_

He stripped down and got into the shower. He started the water and yelped as the first spray of icy water hit his skin. He moved back and let it warm up before venturing back under the stream. The pressure of it was like a waterfall was pouring directly into the little tiled space. He let out a low hum of approval and set to work washing up.

He considered Cas sitting as he had been out in the other room. Dean wondered what Cas would do while he slept. _Would he watch like he use to?_ It didn't really bother Dean anymore. _Would he wander off and start the search while Dean slept?_ This also seemed like a likely option. His hands ran up into his hair to scrub the generic shampoo into his scalp. He hoped that Cas would wait for him before searching out the thing that was likely not an animal at all.

Dean plucked up the tiny bar of motel soap off of the tray and unwrapped it. The waxy paper fell down into the bathtub. He stooped to retrieve it and felt the soreness of a day spent in the car. The warm water trickled down his back, somewhat soothing away the day. _Maybe have Cas mojo the rest of the ache away._ He thought about it more though and decided that doing that meant acknowledging that he wasn't handling simple things very well anymore. Plus, if he couldn't handle riding in a car, then he shouldn't be fighting demons and such.

He stood back up, and tipped his head back into the stream of water. He ran the soap over his body, the water sending the soap away almost immediately in bubbly rivulets over his hardened muscles. He considered alleviating other issues as he looked down and saw that his body was interested in a hands-on connection. He glanced toward the shower curtain thinking about how there was just a thin door between him and Cas. His body begged for more attention, with the thought. He reached back and turned the water temperature down. _Angel ears don't need to be hearing that._

He moved the soap over himself quicker in an effort toward getting things done. His body was still not getting the message that this shower was a business shower, not a pleasure shower. He looked at the curtain again and considered his personal space and his ability to maybe be quiet. He reached back and turned the water temperature back up. He settled his hands on his thighs for a moment before he settled on taking care of his needs.

He congratulated himself on his ability to be efficient and quiet. His thoughts centered mostly on abstract things while he had worked his fist around himself, the feel of a warm body pressed to his back, breathing kisses into his neck. He thought of strong hands that were not his own holding him, pulling him back tight to a body that was muscle and heat. That the body even in the abstract was not a woman was of little importance. He careened over the edge of satisfaction on a quiet moan, settling his head on the tiled wall with a grin. The last image his mind supplied before he had fallen over the edge, was all dark hair and blue eyes. If he considered it long enough, he'd have to acknowledge that it was Cas that he thought of, but instead of considering it much, he just stood back up, cleaned up, and got out of the shower.

The steam followed him out into the main room. Cas was still sitting where he had left him by the window looking out at the world. He turned to Dean as he came back into the room. There was something in the look that he gave Dean that was best described as piercing. Then he spoke, "Did you have a nice shower, Dean?" And Dean swore there was something else in the tone, a near accusation of sorts. He suddenly felt a little more naked in his boxer briefs and tight black t-shirt. Blood rushed up to his face and he turned away a little to cover the heat of that blush. _Why didn't I grab the sweat pants?_ He walked over to his bag and rummaged about for something to add to his attire. There were no sweatpants in his bag. _Damn it, I'm gonna be sleeping in this I guess._

He realized then that he hadn't answered Cas yet. _How was the shower? Well, it was fucking awesome, if I were being downright frank with you._ Instead he opted for something a little less enthusiastic. "It was fine."

Cas hummed his acknowledgement and watched him as he continued to rummage through his bag for nothing. It was a mere activity for his hands. Cas got up and came over to him, standing at his side while he searched, shuffling clothes from one side to the other. "Do you feel better now?"

 _That's an odd question._ "Uh, yeah. Fresh as the new fallen snow. How 'bout you, Cas? You feel better?"

"I'm not the one that was on edge." Cas had his head tipped down and when Dean directed his attention to him it struck him, the way that Cas looked at him upward though his long, dark lashes.

Dean swallowed back a lump that rose up threatening to become words that were maybe stupid and not helpful. Instead he said, with a hint of defensiveness lacing the words, "I wasn't on edge."

"Okay." Cas reached out and touched the edge of the bag before adding, "What are you looking for?"

"I wasn't on edge." He felt the need to repeat it and also to not admit that he was searching for something that he knew full well wasn't in the bag.

Cas withdrew his hand from the bag and retreated a step. "If you say so."

"Truth be told, I'm sore. Driving fourteen hours will do that to you." Dean gave up on the bag. He pulled it off the bed and dropped it on the floor near his feet. Cas looked down at it. Dean wandered around to the bed and pulled back the covers, intending to sleep. Cas picked up the bag and took it to the desk where he set it down. Then he walked over to Dean who was now sitting on the bed.

"I could help with the soreness." Dean just stared up at him. Cas was still wearing the trench coat and blue striped tie. There was something about that that made Dean feel even more naked than before. Dean pulled his legs up onto the bed and slid them between the crisp white sheets. Cas came down to a crouch at the side of the bed. "I wish you'd just ask me for my assistance. There's no reason for you to suffer when I can heal you."

"Didn't want to be a bother."

Cas rolled his eyes and then settled on a low level scowl. "Dean Winchester, you are infuriating." He rested a hand on the bed next to Dean and pushed himself into a standing position again. _The better to glare down at me._ "Why did I keep my grace if not to heal you when the need arose? At this rate, I'd be better off casting it aside."

Dean sat up a little. "What are you talking about? You kept your grace because it's part of you. It isn't just for healing me."

"If you say so."

Dean settled a hand on Cas' wrist before he could turn away like he seemed intent on doing. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that I only kept it because you seem to need it. The thought of you getting seriously injured and me not being able to do a thing to fix it is one of the few things that I find frightening. If it weren't for that fear, I'd toss it away in an instant." Cas didn't retreat or look away. Dean felt his breathing hitch up a bit.

"Why would you want to toss your grace away?" Dean sat up more and Cas came down to a crouch.

"Without it, I'd be able to age with you. There would be an end to all of this living, and sometimes, I think that it would be nice to go through that at your side, like a human." Cas' voice had a tone of absolute seriousness. Dean could only stare at him, then he felt his fingers grip Cas' wrist just a little more.

"I don't like the thought of you dying." Dean didn't know what else to say. What he said was true, but there was so much else to comment on in the proclamation that Cas had just offered up. _He wants to grow old at my side. He wants to be human._ Then Dean came back to the part that bothered him again. _He wants there to be an end to the living. Cas wants to die. Shit._ The more he thought about it, the more he thought that maybe his comment now was the most important.

"If if helps, I have no intention of dying anytime too soon." Cas smiled as he said it and turned his arm a bit until his hand was able to grip Dean's wrist too. It was an odd posture, Dean's hand wrapped around Cas' wrist, Cas' hand now wrapped around Dean's. Cas' thumb swiped back and forth a couple of times, and Dean thought that it felt like affection. "Now, let me heal the soreness, and you can go to sleep. We have a lot to do tomorrow, finding your yeti."

Dean scowled up at him now. "It's not a yeti." Then he saw that Cas was making fun of him, and added, "You're a little shit."

"Roll over."

"Uh, why?" Dean let go of Cas' wrist and Cas did the same.

"If you are laying down, ready for sleep, after I heal you, you can just close your eyes and drift off." Cas made a rolling motion with his hand to signify that Dean should get with the program.

He rolled over, thinking about how Cas could just quickly tap his forehead and all would be well in an instant. Cas was adding extra steps. Dean didn't mind though. His head was cushioned in the fluffy white pillow. His hands were tucked up under that too. The blanket felt warm around him. Cas pulled it back a little and set his palms flat against Dean's back. The warmth that came from his touch moved through his shirt, over skin, and then past it into his muscles. The passage of the grace through him was slow, like Cas was taking a slow journey through all that was Dean Winchester.

This was more than healing; it was comfort, and comfort took time. Cas had all the time in the world it seemed. Dean turned his head slowly on the pillow so that he was facing Cas. He felt Cas' hands move in circles, kneading at his flesh as he still sent out rivulets of grace through muscles and joints sore and stiff from their journey. He felt looser now, like his body was putty. It was nice. He felt his mouth curling up into a grin. His eyes had been closed despite rolling over to face Cas.

He cracked open an eye just a little and saw that Cas was staring down at him as he pressed comfort into him. Cas' face held a look of something that caused Dean to open his eyes fully. Cas' one hand ran up over Dean's shoulders to his neck, and each finger pressed into the muscles there. It was exquisite. Cas looked at his face as he worked. His lips were a solid line of intent. His eyes seemed relaxed like he would be content to do this forever. Dean wondered at that, at how long he could let Cas touch him before it would become something else. _Maybe it's already something else._

Cas' fingers moved up to his scalp and rubbed and scratched a bit there. Dean's eyes fell shut again. He wanted to roll over and pull Cas to him. He wanted to feel his cheek pressed to his own. He wanted to feel Cas' bare shoulders under his own two hands. He wanted to know if lying under him would feel like he was finally, finally beneath something that wasn't the weight of the world, but instead safety and home and... _What the hell._

Somewhere in the midst of his thoughts he had fallen asleep. How long Cas touched him, he wouldn't know. When he woke up in the morning though, it was with that thought, _what the hell,_ because Dean remembered even after the best night's sleep of his life, that a bridge had been crossed, and that perhaps he would not be able to let himself go back.

* * *

 **AN: This is a completed fic. It is 20k. I am posting a chapter a day for 4 days until it is all up. I made a cover for it which you can see on ao3 or on my tumblr at spearywritesstuff.**


	2. Chapter 2: Wanting

Cas was not in the cabin when he woke up. Dean's hands curled up in the sheets, holding on like he needed the anchor that would keep him from straying back off into a world of dreams that had a great potential to be uncomfortable upon his waking.

He breathed out a long held sigh and got up. There was a second room with a bed. He thought that maybe he should have slept in there. Then at least, Cas could have had the TV or something. He let himself wonder briefly where Cas had gone. He wandered off to the bathroom and then back out to his bag. He got dressed with an economy of movements. They would go into the hills today to see the site of the killings. The door opened as he pulled on a sweater over his t-shirt.

Cas was holding a small bag in one hand and a steaming cup of what Dean hoped was coffee in the other. "I went into town. The breakfast options were limited. They had a breakfast burger though." Cas held out the bag and then added, "And coffee." Dean came over and took both. Cas sat at the dining room table and Dean joined him, unwrapping the food as soon as he sat. "I hope the food is acceptable."

"Breakfast burger, Cas. This is more than acceptable." Dean stuffed the burger in his mouth. It had a fried egg on top of a patty. And if that wasn't enough, the chef who concocted this glorious bit of creation had added a couple slices of bacon to the thing. Dean let out a satisfied moan as he closed his eyes and chewed the food. When talking became once again possible he said, "This is awesome."

Cas smiled at him from across the table. He reached over and pulled back the curtain so that light from outside would illuminate their room. It cast him in a type of glow that seemed to soften him a little. Sometimes Dean thought that Cas looked older somehow. It was odd, because he was an angel and not prone to aging. Dean wondered if it was evidence of the harshness of living amongst the Winchesters. _I suppose we even affect angels._

"What are you thinking?" Cas folded his hands on the table in front of him, a posture designed to tell Dean that he had all the time in the world for listening.

"Nothing," Dean answered quickly then realized that Cas would want more of an answer than that. He knew something was up in Dean's head. He always knew. "I was just thinking about something that maybe I started thinking about last night." Dean set down the burger and took a sip of the coffee. "Why would you want to grow old and die? As someone who has recently been feeling the effects of old age, I can tell you it's overrated."

Cas seemed to think about this for a few moments, during which time, Dean began eating the burger again. "I have come to admire humanity a great deal. I admire the the strength and perseverance of humanity in the face of insurmountable odds. I admire the self-sacrifice, and kindness that beats in the heart of humanity. There is an abundance of beauty in humanity. There is in fact nothing more beautiful than humanity. There is loyalty and kindness, gentleness and a will to make a difference in all that humanity endeavors to do. Why wouldn't I want to be more like this, more like humanity?"

"You already are like that, Cas. You don't have to be human. You don't have to grow old and die to have those traits." Dean watched him as he spoke and saw the slight curl of Cas' lips into the beginnings of a smile.

"Thank you Dean." Cas looked away from him for a moment and then his gaze returned. "You're wrong though. It is the finite nature of life that makes humanity struggle and strive. It is the fact that there is an end that makes you fight harder for what matters. I want to know that feeling, that feeling uniquely human. I've lived a long life. I would regret nothing about spending the last stretch of it as a human. It would be a blessing far beyond what I would deserve."

Dean took another sip of coffee, and wondered what he could say to that. He should have been bothered by the idea of Cas dying, but somehow this was different. This was Cas wanting to be human, an exercise in free will one might say. In a way, it made Dean happy. It made him think that maybe Cas wanted this because he wanted something else, something that perhaps an angel couldn't have. He couldn't comment on that though. He wasn't ready. Instead he said, "Sounds like you really love humanity, Cas."

"I do, Dean. I love humanity a great deal." They stared at each other across the table and let the words carry more meaning than any literal definition could supply. Dean felt his face grow warm with the moment. He chose to focus on finishing his meal. They had much to do today, and talk of this sort wasn't getting anything done.

* * *

Eddie's shop had skis and snowmobiles in abundance. Dean didn't think that he would be able to handle skiing. He had done a little of it once when he was a kid. It was awful. He opted for the snowmobile. Cas leaned into a whisper and said, "I could just take us to the site. Why do we need this?"

"It's about the journey, Cas. There might be something along the way that we need to see." Dean gave Eddie the credit card and he took them out back to give them some instructions on how the vehicle worked.

He asked Cas, "You sure you don't want to rent some snow gear. I mean, your outfit is a little…"

"What's wrong with my outfit," Cas asked.

Eddie stammered a little and said, "I didn't mean any offense. I just think that the suit you're wearing might not be the best thing for the snow." Cas looked down at himself then at Dean.

"Go on in and pick something out, Cas." Dean reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. "Here." He handed it to him.

Eddie added, "My wife's in there. She'll help you pick something out."

Cas left for a time and Dean got situated on the snowmobile. He had every intention of being the driver. Cas could ride on the back. He never even considered renting a second one for Cas. _One would be plenty._ He convinced himself. Then Cas came out of the shop wearing ski pants and a beige sweater. It was a simple outfit. He even had on gloves, black and a knit cap, also black. The one splash of color that adorned him was the scarf that he had wrapped around his neck. It was green and looked like it was made from an incredibly soft yarn. Dean pushed aside the feelings that were bubbling up inside him. _Perhaps I should have gotten two vehicles,_ he thought for no reason whatsoever.

Eddie stepped aside and said, "Good luck finding the animal that did this. I really want to imagine what a full season of tourists looks like again."

Cas got on the vehicle behind Dean and held the bar on the seat behind him. "We'll do our best," Cas said.

Dean accelerated out of the area and into the hills. They climbed at a fast clip up into the snowy mountains. The sky seemed big with large white fluffy clouds that almost looked like they could be harbingers of a storm if they just got a little greyer. The bright blue around them though was enough to make one forget how quickly the world could change, from something pleasant to something harsh. There was a coldness to the air around them, augmented by the speed at which Dean was traveling. He got to the top of a hill and came to a stop. He needed to figure out how to not freeze to death. He was shivering hard, and they had only just started out. "Freezing."

Cas leaned into his back and said close to his ear, "Here." Dean felt Cas wrapping something around his neck, the green scarf. Dean turned in his seat a little and started to protest that Cas would need the warmth too. "No, Dean."

"What?"

"You were going to try to tell me to take it back, because for some reason you can't seem to recognize my many angelic qualities, despite the fact that you wish for me to retain them." Cas still had the ends of the scarf in his hand while he spoke like he was going to use them as reins, guiding Dean through the mountains.

Dean brought his own hands up to his lips and cupped them around his mouth. He blew warm clouds of air out to them. A light dusting of snow fell from the tree that they were parked under just as a little breeze kicked through the area. Dean felt himself shivering again. He had gloves, but they weren't the best. Cas took his hands in his and held them. Dean could feel the warmth course through him. "Thank you," he breathed out on wisps of winter air.

"Of course." Cas let his hands go and Dean turned back to the trail ahead. This time though when he accelerated along the mountain. Cas was no longer holding the back of the vehicle. He wrapped his arms around Dean's waist and had his chest pressed solidly to Dean's back. Dean did not think of warm showers from the night before and the imagined body that had done just as Cas was doing now. Cas had his chin hooked up over Dean's shoulder. They dropped down into a valley and were going to drive up past the second ridge. Cas' words ghosted his ear, sending a different kind of shiver through his body. "Go left up past the trees."

"You see something," Dean shouted back over the wind that buffeted his face. He was wearing goggles, so his eyes were at least shielded.

"Call it a hunch." Cas pressed impossibly closer to him and Dean drove faster and to the left. There was another trail marked off, and Cas pointed at it. "Follow that."

"They found the victims way south of here," Dean said, but he followed the trail anyway.

"Something is odd about this region." They soared past trees and small rock outcroppings. The trail was wide though. There were tracks in the trail where cross-country skiers went before them. The tracks were old though, likely from before the attacks.

 _Maybe it is just an animal, but Cas said something was odd._ Dean felt himself smiling about the prospect that he might be right until he remembered that being right meant monsters or demons, and that was not worth smiling about. Cas body radiated warmth, and Dean couldn't help but focus a little on the pleasure that that was providing. Cas moved a little and his cheek brushed Dean's ear. Another little shiver ran down his body.

"Are you still cold?" Cas asked. Dean realized then, that his shiver was likely noted by Mr. Angel Senses.

He shifted about a little in his seat and said, "Only a little." Cas moved his hands and arms more tightly around him and seemed intent on hugging the entirety of his own warmth into Dean. And Dean for his own part was loving it. _Perhaps I should be cold more often. Perhaps I should only work cases in the winter. Perhaps I should...Stop._

"Stop," Cas said as they rounded a bend in the trail. Dean stopped. There was a small mountain lake formed by run-off. It was a blue so deep that one would easily believe that it had been formed by magic. The blue a deep sapphire, and the edges of the water were white and seemingly frozen. The ice there gave off the appearance of a ring holding back the world from the ethereal center. The trees had become lush in this area too, so they were surrounded by green, and white, and blue. If he didn't know better, he'd say that Cas was trying to press his words directly into his ear. He could feel Cas' lips moving against his skin as he spoke. "The area on the other side of the lake." Dean had been so mesmerized by the lake that he hadn't looked past it much.

Dean let his eyes glide over to the other side. It was black. Apparently there had been a forest fire some time recently. "Does it seem odd to you?" Dean turned a little toward Cas as he asked it. This caused Cas' lips to graze over Dean's cheek a little inadvertently.

Cas leaned back a tiny bit. "The pattern of the burned area seems strange. Why would that area have been burned?"

"Maybe we should go check it out." Dean drove around the lake trail toward the burn region. There was snow here too, but the blackened trees poking out through the white gave the spot an eerie look. The charred region was also small. One had to wonder why it hadn't spread more. Dean stopped again at the edge of the space and the two of them got off of the vehicle. Cas walked up to a tree and ran a finger along its charred remains. "Picking up on anything?"

"Well, the fire was likely put out by the forestry service. There is some residual evidence of that." He held up his fingers and Dean saw the orangish powder that stuck to his fingers. Dean strode down to the water and tapped the edge with his foot. It looked like it was pretty solidly frozen. He didn't step out onto it any further as he didn't want to take any needless risks. He walked up the shoreline a little more and over a small rise. He turned back and saw Cas stoop down to the ground where he brushed aside a thin patch of snow. He ran his fingers over the earth beneath and brought them to his nose to sniff.

"Weird, dude." Cas glanced up at him and furrowed his brows. Dean went back to exploring the region. Dean wandered down the side of the little hill that was dotted with sharp rock outcroppings. Strangely enough it made the walking easier, as the snow didn't stick to the rock so well due to the angle.

The other side of the rocky region opened up onto a small clearing that was just as charred as the one he came from. This one though, seemed to have been more recently burned. In fact there were places that still smouldered with wisps of smoke curling up into the chill air. Dean stopped moving forward. In the distance there was a cave, then there was a shadow. Dean looked up too late. "Son of a Bitch!" Dean ducked and the deep dark scales and wings soared just inches over him. Dean scrambled back and bolted as best he could back over the rocky trail that he had made to get to this place. "Cas!" He shouted. He practically fell down the other side of the rocky hill as a shadow passed over him again. Cas was at his side.

"What happened?" They both looked up at once and saw the creature high over head preparing to dive down at them again.

"That is not a Yeti!" Dean yelled and ran toward the lake. Cas was shouting at him, but he was running. Then he was sliding over the frozen surface.

Cas was at his side again. "Do we fight it?"

"How? What is it?" They were both standing on the lake staring up at the creature as it circled. Then quick as a thought, it dove toward them with a fireball blasting out of its mouth

Now many things were unfortunate about this moment. One was the mere fact that fire and ice do not play nicely together despite the fact that a hunter and angel really need something solid beneath their feet. The second unfortunate factor was that Cas did not whisk them both immediately away on a wing and a prayer as he was still likely contemplating a good old fashioned fight. And lastly, was the issue that they would both have varying thoughts on, the creature's talons, which hung from the edges of its wings, dripped poison that would kill a human if it managed to enter their body. However, an angel, now an angel could survive this, but not without an intense amount of suffering.

The fireball blasted the ice beneath them into liquid. Cas pulled Dean to him and seemed to smother him with his body. This protected Dean from the likely death that would have come from a direct blast. They fell together into the icy water, Cas clinging to Dean as they fell. In that singular moment, Cas would have flown, but the creature sunk its talons into Cas' back. Luckily it let go. They sank. Dean could feel the unconscious weight of Cas' body slam into his as they hit the bottom of the lake. Cas' eyes came open as if some small bit of consciousness had been forced to the surface by an intensity of angelic will. He pulled Dean close, and like that, they were back in the cabin.

* * *

Dean breathed heavily and then sank to the floor in front of the fireplace. Cas was at his side and then he was falling. Dean snapped out of it fast enough to catch Cas. He saw the claw marks that had torn through Cas' clothes and immediately began removing the tatters of sweater and what remained of the undershirt to assess the wounds. Everything that Cas had on was both singed and soaked. None of it was salvageable. The wounds on his back were deep and there was something noxious seeping from them.

Dean hauled Cas up and pulled him to the bathroom. He couldn't see a better way to clean the wounds. He didn't touch the area, thankfully. He turned on the shower and pulled Cas into the space with his own arms propping Cas up by the armpits. It was hard to be careful, hard to keep from coming into contact with the vile substance oozing from Cas' back, but somehow Dean managed this little miracle. The water was at least a little warm. It sloshed over Cas' back and further soaked Cas' already soaked pants and all of Dean's clothing. Dean's rush of adrenaline was starting to fade as he stood in the shower. The weight of Cas in his arms was becoming almost too much. He leaned them both against the wall and tried to get a better look at the wounds.

"Waking up would be great right now, Cas." Cas didn't wake up though. Dean felt his body sliding down the wall. He just couldn't hold up anymore. Then his legs gave out completely, and he was splayed out in the bottom of the tub with a lot of dead weight angel on top of him. He could see the wounds better now. They were no longer oozing. He managed to get a leg out from under Cas and used it to kick the water off. Then his leg slumped back down, and he too lost consciousness.

* * *

He did not know how long he had been unconscious beneath Cas. The shivering woke him up. He was still fully dressed and soaked to his bones. Everything was cold. The fire from the night before was surely long dead. Cas was heavy. Dean pulled his arm out from under him and brushed back Cas' hair from his face. "Time to wake up, Cas," his voice was a low whisper, a wish sent out in the florescent lit bathroom. Cas didn't stir. Dean cupped his cheek and then tried to gently pat some wakefulness into him. "Come on Cas. Please be okay." He didn't try to get up at first. He was too worried. He brought his other arm out from the mass of angel on top of him. He settled it over the top of Cas' shoulders. It would be a hug if they were upright; this looked more intimate. "Look buddy, I know you like me and all, but usually I get dinner first." Dean's tone was all jest.

Dean tried to shift a little to look more at his wounds. They seemed okay. Well, not okay. They were ugly actually, like an infection gone so so bad. If Cas were human, Dean would assume that he was dead. That thought gave him pause. He brought the hand that was on Cas' face closer to his mouth. He let his thumb settle on Cas' lips, telling himself that maybe he would feel a breath from Cas' nose. _Angels don't need to breathe._ He moved his thumb back and forth. "Told you it wasn't a yeti," he tried to joke some more. "You owe me dinner. You and Sam both. I take payment on unofficial bets in the form of burgers, you son of a bitch." He felt suddenly overwhelmed by the moment. _Don't be dead. I don't care how much you like the idea of dying as a human. Please don't be dead._ Dean prayed the words. It felt like too much to say it out loud.

Cas' mouth parted beneath Dean's thumb, but his eyes remained closed. "So, I have to buy you dinner first?" The question was a dull muttered thing, but it made Dean laugh just because if Cas was talking he would be okay.

Dean wrapped his other arm around him in the soggiest hug of all times and said, "Damn straight you gotta buy me dinner first. I'm a classy guy." He thought he felt Cas laugh a little. Dean pressed his face into Cas' hair and laughed a little more. He breathed in the scent of him, the very alive, not-ever-gonna-die scent of him.

After a few moments of pure bliss, Dean worked his way out of the tub and hauled Cas out with him. It was messy, and difficult. Cas was of no help at all. His arms hung at his sides. His head drooped. He couldn't support his own weight. Dean hefted him up into his arms, finding a small reserve of strength left in him. He carried him out to the other room and set him on the end of the bed, wet clothes and all. "Everything's cold," Cas' words were so quiet Dean almost missed them.

Dean came down to his side. "Gonna start a fire and get your wet clothes off of you. You okay with that?"

Cas flicked a weak arm at the fireplace and then squinted at it like he was frustrated by its existence. "I'm powerless."

Dean walked over to the fireplace and got it going the old fashioned way, with kindling and a lighter. He came back to Cas and pulled off his boots, socks, and ski pants. He considered ridding Cas of his underwear which were also soaked, but he thought that might be too awkward. He scooped Cas up and brought him down closer to the fire and the warmth that was radiating there. He grabbed the top blanket from the bed and wrapped it around Cas' shoulders. "You okay?"

"I'm powerless," he said again, this time with more force. "It poisoned me."

Dean reached out and smoothed back Cas' wet hair from his face. "He sure did. What was it?"

Cas seemed to consider his answer for a moment, and seemed about to answer before a rib-breaking string of coughs erupted from him. Dean felt achy just hearing them. "It's a…" then there was more coughing.

"Shh, shh." Dean smoothed back his hair and pulled him close rocking him in his arms. "Not important what it is. You can tell me when you aren't coughing up a lung. Didn't even know this sort of thing happened to angels." Cas eventually stopped coughing and did not try to resume talking seemingly out of the fear that the coughing would pick up where it left off. He nuzzled into Dean's chest and seemed to fall into unconsciousness again. Dean leaned back against the foot of the bed and watched and waited.

* * *

 **AN: So there's chapter two. Hope you all are liking it. Two more to go.**


	3. Chapter 3: That Which Could Not Die

Evening came and with it came a knock at their front door. Dean hollered, "Be right there." He scooped Cas up and carried him off to the other room. He made short work of putting him down on the bed and figured he could come back later to get him under some more blankets. Dean stalked back out to the front room just in time to get a second round of knocking. "I said I'd be right there." Then he opened the door.

The office guy was standing there staring back at him. "So you made it back okay?" It was kind of a question.

"Yeah, why?" Dean didn't invite him in and kept the door mostly closed. He looked down and realized that his pants were still a bit wet.

"Eddie called and said you and your partner rented a snowmobile this morning, but that you didn't return it."

"Oh, that." Dean was already trying to figure out how they could possibly deal with that. "Yeah, we had a little accident."

"Oh no. You okay?" The guy seemed to assess Dean again. "Looks like you're all wet."

"Yeah, we ran across the animal that has been attacking people. It drove us out onto the small lake up in the hills there." Dean waved out to the distance. "Guess the holidays have been good to us, because we weighed a little too much for the ice. We both fell through and into the lake."

"Is your partner okay? You're lucky to be alive. It doesn't take long to get hammered by hypothermia." He ran his hand up through his mess of wispy white hair.

"Yeah, he's sleeping in the other room. He might be getting a little sick from the water, but he is a resilient little bugger. We should be fine in a few days." Dean considered for a second before continuing, "You think you could ask Eddie if we could keep the vehicle for a bit longer?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course. I think he was more worried about something getting you all up there. Reasonable worry, given recent events." He turned to go.

Dean interrupted his progress, "Hey, uh, what's your name?"

"Name's Earl."

"Figured I should stop thinking of you as just office guy since you're helping me out with Eddie."

"No problem. I'll even send over extra blankets for you and your friend." Earl nodded and walked off.

Dean let the door close and decided to finally shed his wet pants and hang everything up on chairs near the fireplace.

* * *

Dean had been too confident. Cas had spoken, and thus he thought that Cas was also on the mend. He was wrong. After changing, Dean had ventured back into Cas' room to throw some blankets on him. Cas' skin though was covered in a thin film of sweat. He was shivering and at the same time, burning up.

Dean was worried. He spent the better part of the night at his side, mopping his brow and talking to him in hushed tones that sounded like prayers and pleadings. There were apologies interwoven into the mix as well. Dean thought back to what had gotten them attacked. _If I hadn't wandered off alone...If I hadn't run out onto the ice...If I had just taken Sam's word for it and stayed in the bunker…_

When he eventually fell asleep, it was with Cas' hand clutched in his own. His head had fallen over onto the edge of the bed, his back hunched over. His dreams were full of darkness. There were failures stacked on failures. In the end though, it was always the same. Cas would die. His dreams were torture. Each death worse than the last. All of the deaths somehow were Dean's fault.

When he woke the next morning and looked up at Cas, he was shocked to find his eyes wide open. They were red-rimmed in a way that worried Dean even more. They reminded him too much of the spell Rowena had cast on him. He sat up more and picked up a washcloth from the nightstand. He daubed at Cas' forehead and said, "How're you feeling?" This seemed to be a question that they were doomed to ask each other again and again.

Cas' voice was a grackle squawk. "Better now." Dean didn't buy it. Cas started coughing.

When he was finally able to fall back into silence, Dean got up and mother-henned the blankets back into place around him. "Stop trying to talk so much. Heal first." Cas gave him a glare.

Dean glared back, but Cas said, "It was two words." Then he started coughing again.

"Now I'm just gonna add that it was two words too many. Now be quiet. I'm gonna get you some water. It might help." Dean left before Cas could say another word. He moved off to the kitchen and found a small tumbler in the cabinet. He filled it about half full and carried it back in. He sat down at Cas' side, eased a hand behind his neck, and lifted him a little into a seated position. He adjusted the pillows behind him and then lifted the water to his lips. "Tiny sips."

Cas glared at him. "I don't need water," he barely growled out.

Dean raised an eyebrow as Cas started coughing again. He held up the glass and nodded toward it in encouragement. "Come on now. Don't be a baby."

Cas scowled more, but Dean was able to tip a little of the water into his mouth. He half expected Cas to spit it at him to make a point about the immortal hydration of angels, but he didn't. _Thankfully._ Dean thought that he had been wet enough in the last 24 hours, _thank you very much_. He convinced Cas to take another sip, but that was all he could do. He set the glass back on the nightstand and watched Cas struggle to not talk.

"Not gonna lie, it's kinda funny you wanting to talk and not being able to. It's normally like pulling teeth getting you to share." Cas just kept up a solid glare at Dean and Dean continued, "Just so you know, it wasn't a Yeti. Thought that bore repeating. Oh, and did I mention that it was a creature, maybe you know, not just an animal attack?" Dean was feeling the need to "I told you so" all over this conversation.

Cas closed his eyes. He opened them again, and Dean could see the strain he was under. "Tired."

"Guess next time you'll be careful with what you wish for." Dean was quiet and settled his hand on Cas'. "Being human isn't all that great sometimes." Cas just watched him through eyes that were barely open.

He managed to get out one more little phrase before drifting back off to sleep, "Regret nothing."

"Sure buddy, sure. You just sleep." Dean stayed at his side holding his hand, waiting for him to wake up again.

* * *

The shaking and the fever spiked again at midnight. Dean had gotten more blankets from Earl, but Cas had managed to kick them off of every side of the bed. His brow was furrowed in what Dean decided was pain. If Cas were human he'd make him soup, gather some antibiotics or maybe pain pills. This was not territory with which he was familiar. Cas just didn't really get sick. He remembered the brief period after the spell and the time when Cas' grace was waning, but those were different. Even then Cas seemed to be mostly in control. This seemed like him burning up from the inside, and he was certainly not controlling that.

He picked up the washcloth from the nightstand and thought that it needed to be replaced. It was a bit wet from the day before. Dean roamed off to the bathroom and got a fresh one and returned to Cas' side. He reached down and pulled the sheet up over his form. Cas didn't kick it away this time. Dean mopped his brow and smoothed back his sweat slick hair. He didn't talk to him, he just watched and waited.

An hour passed like this, then two. He pressed a palm to Cas' cheek to see if he was too warm or too hot. His temperature had fallen a little. Dean reached down and pulled up the rest of the blankets that were still clinging to the end of the bed. The ones on the floor could just stay there for now. Cas opened his eyes a crack and said, "It still burns."

"Where?" Dean moved closer with his worry.

"My back." Dean rolled him over to get a better look at the injuries. It was like moving a rag doll. Dean noticed that Cas' face was pressed into the pillow in what looked like an uncomfortable angle. He slipped a hand under Cas' cheek and turned him.

"That better?" Dean moved the blanket aside and stared at Cas' back.

"Much. Thank you." _At least he wasn't coughing now,_ Dean thought. Dean glanced at his face and saw the intensity of his stare past his red-rimmed eyes. The wound did not look good. Then an odd thing happened. Cas began glowing. It began at the wounds in his back and grew brighter with each passing second. Dean shielded his eyes and the room felt like heat was surrounding them both. "Safe now." Cas' words were coughed out.

Dean opened his eyes and Cas was still laying just as he had been before. His back still looked the same. "What was that?"

"My grace is trying to repair the wound. It can't seem to do it. The poison is eating away at the grace the moment that it acts on the injury." It was a full sentence. Dean wanted to supply some sort of accolade for the moment, but Cas began coughing and didn't stop for nearly three minutes.

"Should I stitch up the wounds?" Dean settled his hand on Cas' lower back and rubbed comforting circles there.

"No, and you should not touch the area that was poisoned. I don't know what it will do to you." He started coughing again. Dean felt guilty. He didn't remove his hand from Cas' back though. He had managed to successfully avoid the poison and was pretty sure that he would continue to be fine.

"Pretty sure I got most of the poison out in the shower, but yeah, probably better to be safe than sorry." Dean looked down at the wounds a little more intently. "Will they heal on their own?"

"I have enough grace to burn the rest of the poison out, but it will take time." He coughed two deep coughs and then began to shake. Dean brought his hand up to Cas' cheek and stroked a thumb back and forth there.

"Not that you should talk much, but can you tell me what the creature was? Maybe I can get Sam to help me research a cure for this that doesn't involve burning out all of your grace. I mean, I know that this is like some sort of a dream come true for you, but I'd rather not have you suffering like this."

"Not enjoying the pain." Cas was still shaking. Dean reached back and pulled up another blanket to wrap around him. "It's a Skoffin, sort of."

Dean moved down into a kneeling position at the side of the bed so that Cas wouldn't have to speak up too much. "What's that, and what do you mean by _sort of?_ "

Cas waited to be sure that he had control of himself. The possibility for coughing seemed to be pushed aside. "I'm not aware of flying Skoffin, but the poison is familiar. They are usually like basilisks."

"Oh, like in _Harry Potter_?" Dean grinned at his little connection.

"I suppose, but also rather different." Cas motioned for the water on the nightstand and Dean found himself grinning again. He helped Cas maneuver into a sitting position, then he plucked up the water, holding it at his lips. Cas took a few tiny sips at first then he was gulping down mouthfuls in an audible rush. Dean pulled the glass away Cas gave it a nod that seemed to say _more._

"Can you sit here on your own while I get more?"

"Yes."

Dean rushed off to the kitchen and refilled the glass. If he got the chance later, he would make soup. Dean thought through the various recipes that he had at his disposal. _Chicken and rice might be nice._ He moved back into the bedroom and Cas was still sitting there. He looked weak. Dean held the glass to his lips, and he drank a few more sips. "Did you get enough?" He pulled the glass away.

"Yes." He helped Cas lay down, and he went back to adjusting the blankets again.

"I'm gonna give Sam a call about the _Harry Potter_ dragon, see if he can do a little research on antidotes for its poison." Dean smoothed the blankets over Cas' chest and stood over him for a few minutes. "I might venture back up there and get the snowmobile that we ditched."

Cas jumped up faster than Dean thought he was able. It was a mistake. Cas was wheezing and coughing with the effort. Dean worked him back to the mattress. "No." Cas kept repeating between coughs and gasps. "No."

"Okay, okay, Cas. I won't. I'll wait for you." Dean gave his shoulder a little pat and came down close to him again. "I am gonna give Sam a call though." Dean pulled out his phone and paused a moment before calling Sam. "Got no signal in here. Be right back. Don't go anywhere."

Cas looked like he was drifting back off into the land of pain filled sleep. Dean moved out into the main room, grabbed his coat, and then headed outside. He held the phone out in front of himself as if that little extra distance would get him the signal he needed. Earl was out front and gave him a little wave. Dean wandered over to him. "Hey there, Earl. You all have trouble with the cell signal out here?"

"Just a bit. Got a lot of trees blocking ya out here. How's your partner doing?" Earl had a large snow shovel in his hands and he was clearing the walkway a bit while he waited for Dean's answer.

"'Bout the same. He's still fighting off a temperature. He'll be fine though." Dean looked down at his phone again and the lack of the signal. Somehow he now felt that calling Sam was really quite important. He didn't like being so cut off. "Hey Earl, how far do I need to drive to get a signal?"

"You don't have to drive at all. Just use the phone in the office. My wife is in there. Earl turned to the door and hollered, "Hey Leif, help Dean make a call."

"Leif?" Dean cocked his head to the side with the question. "You married a hippie lady, Earl?"

"No, she didn't name herself. Her dad was saving the name for his first born son. Six daughters later and he was ready to give up. Gave the name to my wife. Then two years later he has another kid, a boy."

"Did he name the boy Leif too?" Dean grinned as they both headed back to the office.

"No, he told my wife that he had considered changing her name to something else, like Susan or Samantha. In the end though, he said that nothing seemed to fit her quite like the name she already had. Can't say I disagree with that. She is adventurous and tough as nails. My life has been infinitely better with her in it." Earl reached out and opened the door to the office. "Did you hear me yelling at you?"

The woman behind the counter looked up with her deep set brown eyes. Her hair was all silver grey and pulled back into a loose braid. She smiled when she saw Dean and ignored her husband. "That partner of yours okay?"

"Getting there." Dean moved off to the side so that Earl could close the door.

"I told her about how you two got hurt up in the mountains hunting that animal." Earl reached over the counter and lifted up the phone, an old one, not cordless, onto the counter.

Leif came around the counter to Dean's side and held out a hand. Dean shook it. "I'm Leif, by the way."

"Dean," he replied.

Leif brought a hand up to the side of Dean's face and touched the edge of his hairline. Dean started back a little at the odd intrusion. "Sorry, it's just that your hair looks like it got a little singed."

"It did." He wasn't sure why he answered honestly.

"How?"

"Well," he started and then stopped to consider possible lies. "It was just a Skoffin. You know, mountain dwelling, fire spewing dragon thing that apparently has been terrorizing your little village here." Dean turned to Earl quickly and saw him stiffen. Leif withdrew her hand from Dean's cheek.

"Oh, no," she practically whispered.

"What the hell?" Dean took a step back. He hadn't intended to tell them that. "No, really, what the hell?"

"Don't be alarmed Dean. My wife just has a gift."

"Not okay." Dean stepped back again, and Leif did the same, giving him space.

"I'm sorry. I didn't expect so much." She gripped the edge of the counter now too. She looked at Earl. "This is bad, Earl. So bad."

"Someone better get with the explaining." Dean moved his hand back to the knife he had tucked into his jacket.

Earl reached out to him and something about the move was calming. Dean stared at him and stopped moving toward his knife. "Leif puts people at ease. She can sense what they are feeling, and she can move them to speak freely. She has to touch you for it to work, so you don't need to be worried."

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." She looked sincere. "I also didn't expect your truth. A Skoffin?"

"Yeah, didn't expect to be sharing that. Not everyday you run across something like that," Dean ran a hand back up through his hair.

Leif kept looking at her husband and he seemed intent on ignoring her. She reached out to him and settled a hand on his arm. "Earl."

That one word seemed to unleash the floodgates. "I didn't exactly see it die. I just did what I had to do. "

Dean turned to him. "You saw this thing before?" Dean thought back over their conversations. "So when you said you were a hunter, you meant that you were a demon hunter?"

"Former. Me and the missus are retired. We moved halfway around the world just to make it stick," Earl said.

"And even with all that distance, it found us." Leif let go of Earl's arm and turned away from them both.

Earl focused more on Dean then. "Hey, you seem pretty calm for a guy that just got his mind messed with and his hair singed by a Skoffin."

"You'd be surprised just how often stuff like this happens to me." Dean reached out a hand to Earl then. "Let me properly introduce myself. I'm Dean Winchester. I hunt demons and like long walks on the beach."

"You're a hunter too?" Earl seemed quite enthusiastic.

"Yeah, Cas and I are not feds. Now you mind telling me a bit about the creature that you both obviously know a lot about?"

Leif spoke up first and said, "There were two of them not far from our home outside of Reykjavik. They had been babies once; we think they were abandoned by their parents which makes sense since Skoffin are solitary creatures for reasons of self-preservation. We didn't kill them when they were young. We should have, but we didn't know. It was just so unusual to find two of them together. They grew up in the mountains. They were together and not together. Everyone knows that a Skoffin can't look at another Skoffin. That's how you kill one." She took in a deep breath that seemed to be laced in guilt. "Well, there was an attack. It wasn't much, but it was enough. People called it an animal attack in the woods. One of 'em or maybe both of them tore apart a house, killing a family that lived a bit out of the way. There was only one survivor from the family, a little girl. She said that it happened late at night, that her father had just come home from hunting."

"Hunting or hunting?" Dean interrupted.

"Could have been either. The little girl didn't know, neither did her family, but Earl and I worked with him on a few things in the past. We tried to avoid his _help_ though. He was one of those black and white kinda guys. You know, it's human or it's a monster. And if it's a monster you can do whatever you want with it," Leif gave Earl a look that was significant, but Dean did not pry; he just let them finish.

Earl added though, "Leif and I see the world in more shades. The girl told us enough though about the attack, and we knew that we had to do something."

"That's when Earl and I decided to end them."

"What did you do?" Dean could already tell where this was going.

Earl continued the story, "Well, we tricked them into seeing each other. At least that's what we thought had happened. Leif went home, and I stayed behind to clean up the bodies. No one needs to be seeing giant Skoffin bodies laying around. We had a place where we disposed of such things. When I was done with the one, I went to the other intending to cut it up and drag the pieces over to the grave. It moved though."

"You didn't tell me that before." Leif looked at him like she couldn't believe that this was never a part of any conversation that they had had before.

"I'm sorry." Earl dipped his head. There was more that he wasn't saying, and Dean determined to dive into that conversation later. "I cut up the thing anyway. It only moved a little. I buried it and figured it would all just work out. It was our last job. I was glad of it too. I was feeling way too old for this. Leave the hunting to the young pups like you and your partner."

Dean laughed. "I'm not so sure about that. I'm ready to hang up my hat too. Cas and I were just talking about something like this the other day."

"You and him?" There was more to the question that Earl asked, like he was trying to understand the relationship between Dean and Cas.

 _Yeah, but you don't get that information until I get it figured out for myself._ Dean moved to the door. "So you think the Skoffin followed you here?"

"I think that it put itself back together beneath the earth, dug its way out of its grave, and followed us here. It may have taken it some time, but it found us."

"So revenge?"

Leif said, "Maybe. Not sure." Her voice shook a little.

"Well, why don't you come by the cabin later and we can include Cas in on this. I'm gonna head back there and catch him up." Dean moved out the door and Earl and Leif nodded at him as they moved closer to each other. They looked worried, and Dean thought that maybe they should be. After all, he was.

* * *

He got halfway back to the cabin when he heard Earl call his name. He turned and waited. Dean leaned back against one of the other nearby cabins and looked out at the snow that had covered everything in sight. He looked over at the spot where he had left the car. It was under a foot of snow that had fallen in the night. He would have to dig it out. _That'll take forever_.

"There's more you wanted to tell me, but you didn't want Leif to know." It wasn't a question, just a statement of fact.

"Now who has the empathy?" Earl grinned up at him. "I couldn't share it in there. She would feel it too much. Lord knows I've felt it for far too long myself."

"Well, I'm all ears." Dean pressed his hands into his coat pockets. He was glad to have grabbed it before heading out earlier.

"We didn't kill them when we first found them, because they seemed innocent. Leif said that they didn't seem to have any ill-intents. I mean, she couldn't get a full read on them, but she did actually touch one of them. She said she only felt love. They were connected. Of course this was when they were young. It was easy to see them as innocent creatures then. We checked on them from time to time after first discovering them. They traveled in patterns that kept them close to one another. It was amazing when you really think about it, because if they did just one thing wrong, they would end up killing each other. Literally just one look at the other and they'd have been done."

"Nothing else kills them?"

"Not that I know of. Some said that silver or crosses could do it, but that is just something that came out of the proselytizing movements of the early Christians. Leif and I were sure that that wouldn't work."

Dean nodded, but said, "Might not be a bad idea to try though."

Earl shrugged. "Yeah, you have fun with that. If you're wrong, you get to die. Skoffin doesn't give you time to think of something new to _try_."

"Well, how do you suggest we kill something that can only be killed by the sight of another Skoffin? You think I should go out and find another monster to bring here?" Dean huffed out a cloud of air with the words.

"Not sure. If I knew, I'd have done it right back then."

"So what else happened?"

Earl was wearing a jacket too, but now he brought his arms up and hugged himself against a different kind of chill. He looked steadily at Dean. "Sometimes we have to do things in this line of business that we regret, things that change us. You know what I mean?"

Dean nodded and said, "Yeah, all too well. I'm guessing something happened that you haven't even been able to tell Leif about."

"I'm grateful that she didn't experience it." Earl looked off past Dean then as if eye contact would be too much. His voice dropped low with his confession. "After they fell, I sent Leif back home. Told her that I would take care of the bodies. That part was accurate. We had a pit in the woods that we used to dispose of burnables."

"Burnables?" Dean raised an eyebrow with the question.

"Yeah, you know creatures that you have to burn to destroy or items tied to a ghost."

"Okay, so you took the Skoffins to the pit thing?"

"Well, I cut up the first Skoffin and dragged its pieces to the pit. They're big creatures, so you have to do it that way. I had done the same about a month before with some other creatures that we had defeated. One had these bat-like wings, another had noxious breath like some sort of chemical. It would breathe on you and knock you out. Then it would be able to eat you at its leisure." Earl stopped for a moment.

"I don't get what that has to do with the Skoffin, but eww." Dean shuffled his legs a bit to get some warmth circulating.

"You will," Earl said and paused for effect. "After dropping the first one into the pit, I went back to take care of the second one. That was when I saw it move. It was so injured. I mean the snow was more black than white. The black was pumping out of it's neck. I should have noticed it before. The flow meant that the heart was still beating. I didn't think though."

"So what did you do?"

"I touched it." Earl looked steadily at Dean then. His eyes seemed watery and sorrow-filled. "I felt what it felt. The loss, the pain of its injuries, the abject desolation, all of it came through in that instance. I shrunk back from it, but the connection remained. The creature communicated with me. I should not have understood it, but I did."

"What did it say?" Dean asked.

"It wanted to die. It begged me to kill it. It was alone now without its partner, and it didn't want to keep going. Problem was, I had no way to kill it. I wanted to; don't get me wrong, not because of some odd hate, but because I felt sorry for it. There was nothing that I could do though. I stayed out there for hours trying to come up with something."

Earl was shaking now with the effort of his story. Dean reached out to him and rested a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, Earl. I'm sure you did the best you could."

Earl looked up at him and said, "You're wrong, Dean. I did the worst thing a person could do." He didn't look away, and Dean waited for him to continue. "I cut it into pieces like it was dead. I tossed the pieces in with the rest, the other Skoffin, the other long dead creatures. There was so much death in there. I think that it believed that I knew what I was doing. It didn't cry out as I carved it up. It didn't beg or plead as I dragged it to the pit. I felt its relief with each piece that I took away. Then I poured the salt over the edge of the chasm and added fuel. It was then that the creature understood what I was doing, and it knew that it was not getting its one wish. I tossed in the matches and set the mess on fire. I stood in the black snow, covered in the gore of the creatures at my feet, and I wept for them."

"The fire and the salting didn't kill it?" Dean felt bile rushing up his throat. He could imagine some deaths that might be worse than one by immolation, but this was not death; it was living in constant torment, torn and defeated. It was made worse by the fact that the creature was tossed onto the body of the one other being in all the world that it loved, that it wanted to die for. There was nothing that could compare to such agony, and he had been to Hell, so he knew.

"I could hear its cries, its pleas. I could hear it call out in the language of the old ones, the dead languages that were no longer spoken. I knew what it was saying. I knew by instinct and because it wanted me to know it. I felt its agony not at being torn apart, but at the mere thought that it would never die. It cried out and I thought that I had to get away from it. The flames licked the sky. Black smoke rose from the chasm like a demon was escaping from its womb. I ran through the dark to my home, tears on my face. The sound of its suffering dulled a little with the distance, but at all times and even miles away in my bed, I could hear it. I could hear its cries alone in its grave where it could not die."

Earl started to sink to the ground with the end of his story. Dean moved close and held him up. "So, that's why you came here? So you wouldn't have to hear it?"

"Yes, I started hearing it again just before the first killing. I thought that it was my guilt. Later I thought that it was something supernatural, but not a Skoffin. Skoffin don't fly, don't breathe fire."

Dean let him go and Earl seemed capable of keeping upright. "This creature definitely flew and there was fire, lots of it."

"Yes, there would be now."

"What do you mean, there would be now?"

"I told you that I saw one of the bodies right? My wife had a friend in town that she use to spend time with. He was a nice enough guy. He and Leif had been going to the community center to play Mah Jong together. I never got into the game, so I was happy she found someone that wanted to go with her, someone with her passion. Well, when they were coming home late one night after the games finished, they decided to go get a bite at the diner before heading back here. No one was out, but them. It had been a pretty cold winter. Leif said that the creature attacked them. She ran, but Parker just froze up. The thing crushed him in one blow, then tore him apart with its talons."

"So Leif said that it looked like the Skoffin?"

"She did. I looked at the body and saw the way that it tore Parker apart. It marked his chest with a symbol, clawed deep into him. The coroner thought that it was just random claw marks, but it wasn't. It was a series of crudely made interlocking triangles. I recognized it as a Valknut or a Hrungnir's Heart. It was a symbol commonly seen on the graves of the ancient Norsemen. It is connected to Odin and is said to represent power over death."

Dean rubbed at his jaw and considered. "You think that it was sending you a message?"

"I do. I think that it had no intention of killing Leif, but that it killed Parker just to send the message. I believe that it left the symbol because it wanted me to know that it lived. It has killed because it wants to spur us toward finding a way to end it. The killing will keep happening until we figure this out."

Dean dove down another path, "How did it pick up flying and fire breathing?"

"That's the kicker. It rebuilt itself with the materials that it had in the pit. The noxious breath of the one creature, the wings of the other, and its own snake-like form, coupled with the fire that burned it, but did not destroy it."

"This is going to be damn near impossible." Dean huffed out a long held breath of frustration. "I'm going to head back to the cabin for the night, and tell Cas what you've told me. Maybe he'll have some ideas on how we deal with this."

"Yeah." Earl looked like he was ready to shuffle back to his own home too. "You know, if you don't mind, I'd like to put off the meeting we said we'd have tonight. Telling the story just this once, was about all I could handle. I'll have to tell Leif now too, and I'll need to rest after that."

"You take care of you. We can talk more tomorrow." Dean gave him a pat on the shoulder, and as he was leaving he turned and said, "We'll figure this out, Earl. It's just complicated, not impossible."

Earl looked like he doubted that very much, but he gave Dean a half-hearted smile and went back to his place. Dean went back into the cabin and directly to Cas' room. He was laying on his side under the blankets, staring off at the wall. "It's sad."

Dean came over to him in three steps. "You heard the story?"

"Yes." Cas looked up at him, and the shadows that lined his face made him look worn and beaten. "Can you imagine what it must feel like to love someone that much and then lose them?"

Dean reached out to him and felt his forehead. Cas' skin felt cooler than it had before. "Loss is always painful." Dean stepped back from the bed for a moment. He imagined the world without those he loved. He had lost Sam, more than once it seemed. That loss had nearly ruined him. There was a reason that he was continually throwing himself on the pyre in the name of saving Sam. This thing with the Skoffin was different though too. He looked down at Cas and saw that he was watching him through eyes that were more focused than they had been. "You hungry? I'm not, but I can make you some soup or something."

"I don't require food."

Dean took a few tentative steps toward the door. "I'll just let you rest then. I'll be laying down out here if you need me."

"Dean." Cas' voice stopped him at the door. Dean turned back. "Would you stay?"

Dean stared back at him for a few moments before walking back to the other side of the bed. He peeled back the blankets and got in beside Cas. He laid there for a few moments before Cas rolled over to face him. "I believe that the wound is better."

"You want to let me look at it?" Cas rolled himself a little more onto his stomach and Dean sat up. He pulled the blankets back and looked down at Cas' back. The wounds had sealed. His back held no evidence of injury. "Does it hurt anymore?"

"Not so much. There is a throbbing ache beneath my skin, but not like it was." Cas turned his face on the pillow to face Dean.

Dean reached out and set his palm on Cas' lower back. "Where does it hurt?" Dean pressed his fingers into the muscles there, and Cas just watched him.

"It's much better."

"That's not what I asked, but that's okay." Dean grinned down at him. Dean adjusted his position and brought his other hand to Cas. He kneaded at the muscles there, hoping that it was alleviating the lingering pain. "I feel sorry for the creature too. To have to live like that without the one being in all the world that you care about, would be the worst kind of Hell."

Cas closed his eyes for a moment and seemed to get lost in the feeling of Dean's hands as they worked on a spot near Cas' shoulder. When Cas spoke, his eyes were still closed and his words were low. "Maybe now you can understand why I would want to be human."

Dean knew what he meant, even if he couldn't acknowledge it with words. Instead he came back down to the mattress and rested his head on Cas' back. He closed his eyes. The warmth of Cas there was comfort. Dean hoped that he was giving Cas enough in return.

* * *

 **AN: One more chapter, then it is finished. Hope you all liked it. Leave a comment and let me know.**


	4. Chapter 4: For the Love of Humanity

When he woke up, it was night. The moonlight was pouring through the distant window, illuminating the white sheets and Cas' flesh that was currently Dean's pillow. He moved to sit up and felt his skin pull from Cas' back like they had gotten a little stuck together there. He looked down and saw that he had also drooled on Cas. "God, sorry 'bout that." Dean rubbed away the evidence.

Cas laughed and only coughed a little. "Did you sleep well?"

"Like a baby. Really didn't mean to drool on you though. Pretty sure that was not what you were signing up for when you asked me to stay." Dean rested his hand on Cas' back.

Cas still had his head pressed to the pillow, but he was looking up at Dean. "I have no complaints." Dean noted the way that Cas' lip curled up a little. Dean thought that it looked like Cas was thinking deep, mischievous thoughts. He would pay money, go to Hell and back, fight armies full of evil for a peek into Cas' inner workings right at this singular moment.

So, because Dean was still just waking up, and he would argue, had not quite gotten his mind up to speed, he asked, "What are you thinking right now?" _So much for living in a world of wonder._

"Do you really want to know?" Cas rolled onto his side a little and scooted closer to Dean, causing Dean's hand to slide slowly around to Cas' hip. Cas moved his own hand out and settled it on Dean's leg.

Dean felt himself choking on his words a little, but he managed to say, "I really want to know."

Cas propped his head up on his arm and moved his hand farther up Dean's leg. Dean shivered and was unable to move, to respond. "Do you?" Cas pushed himself up a bit more, and now he was practically leaning into Dean's lap.

Dean couldn't find words. He just nodded slightly and felt himself leaning toward Cas like the answer was gravity or motion and not words at all. Cas was his center. He could feel himself orbiting like this forever. He could imagine a world where it was just them living like this, Cas half-clothed lying next to him. How easy would it be to just live in a world where they could touch each other without having to label it all. Cas wasn't getting any closer though, and maybe words were necessary. "Tell me what you're thinking, Cas. I've never wanted to know something so much."

Cas smiled at that, and it ran up to his eyes. His other hand held him up by planting itself on the bed near Dean's hip. He tipped his head back just a little more, and the moonlight made him glow. _Beautiful._ Cas brought his head up close to Dean's chest and pressed himself to Dean. He dragged his cheek along Dean's body until he was nestled in the space between Dean's shoulder and ear. It would have been odd from anyone else, but from Cas it was a moment of intimacy that Dean wanted to repeat. Cas' words came out in a whisper, slipping smooth and sweet into Dean's ear. "I want to learn more of what it means to be human. I want you to teach me everything." Dean felt himself shake again as Cas nosed into his neck a little.

"What could I possibly teach you? You're infinite." Dean finally got his own hand back onto Cas, somewhere near his waist. He breathed into Cas' hair and concentrated on the way that Cas was pressing his mouth to the shell of his ear.

Dean thought of pressing his mouth into Cas, just leaning in and tasting him. He also considered just leaning back and holding Cas so that he would sink down into the bed with him. Cas leaned away from him though. He dragged his hand slowly up Dean's side to his shoulder, then to his cheek. His thumb stroked a slow path back and forth there. They were close and there was heat in the air. Dean sucked in a big lungful of it and his eyes fluttered a little in anticipation of what seemed to be coming. "I want you to teach me what it is to love moments, because there are so few of them. I want you to make me live in them. I want you to make me taste the fullness of life in all of its minute details. I want…." Dean was pulling him now, leaning back into the bed. Cas managed to keep himself from sinking down onto him entirely.

Their bodies though, slotted together. Dean spread his fingers wide on Cas' lower back. He smiled up at Cas in a way that was all bravado and charm. It belied the truth that Cas could surely hear beating away in Dean's chest. He was nervous. He was excited though too. "I'm afraid I interrupted you. What was it you wanted?"

"You, Dean. I want you, just you, always you." And that did it for Dean. The kiss was not his finest. It was a crash of movement. He pulled Cas in closer. Their mouths moving over each other. Cas was kissing his chin, his jaw. Dean kept moving to catch him with his own lips. He sucked in Cas' bottom lip once he caught him. Their kisses were teeth and tongues. Their kisses were messy and frantic. It was as if they each wanted to capture everything in an instant for fear that it wouldn't be there later.

"I want you too." Again he couldn't stop with the sharing. He didn't care though. Cas wanted him, and he wanted him right back. Cas' hands wrapped around his waist and pulled him up into an arch. Dean reached back to pull off his own shirt when there was a knock on the front door.

"Ignore it," Cas rasped out as he tried to help Dean finish the job he had begun with his shirt.

The knock was louder, more insistent. Dean pulled his shirt back on and began to sit up. Cas gave up and slid off of Dean. Neither said a word about it. The air was cold now. Dean turned to the other room calling out, "On my way," as he moved. Cas was not following him. He didn't have his clothes with him in the room, so Dean understood. He opened the front door just as another volley of knocks began. "Leif?"

"Is Earl here? Tell me he's here." She looked scared, and Dean pulled her into the room.

"He's not here. When was the last time you saw him?" Dean pushed the door closed behind her to keep the cold out.

"When we went to bed. He told me the story about the Skoffin. He told me what really happened. I didn't know. I had know idea what he had been carrying all on his own. What was he thinking?"

Dean didn't know where to begin. She needed comfort, explanations, and to find her husband, and not necessarily in that order. "Where do you think he went?"

"I think he went to the mountains to confront the Skoffin." She was shaking now beyond what she had been before. Her hair had come loose from her braid and was sticking out around her temples, like a little electricity was coursing through her. "He'll die up there Dean."

Cas chose that moment to come into the room, still shirtless, lips flushed with the kisses he had been having moments before. Dean wondered if he looked the same, disheveled and kiss swollen. "He won't die," Cas said matter of factly. "We'll get him back."

"We will?" Dean said and was cut off by Cas' expression. "I mean, we will. Go wait at your house in case he comes back. Cas and I will go find him." Dean rummaged through his bag for some clothes that Cas could wear. His outfit from the other day was not going to work. He tossed him a sweater and a pair of jeans. "Here, Cas. Go get dressed." Dean sent Leif back to her house and tried to sound encouraging as he did so.

Dean turned back to get Cas and found him right on his heels. "Ready." Cas was scooping up the bag from the floor and putting it onto the other bed. "You need to arm yourself."

"Hand me the gun and the silver bullets." Dean reached out and took them after Cas loaded the gun. He had a silver blade already tucked into his jacket.

"I don't think that silver will kill it." Cas marched over to the door and Dean followed.

"And you thought that these were just animal attacks too."

"Is this another I-told-you-so moment? I must say that I never grow tired of those." Cas' stride was quick and although Dean was marginally taller than him, he had to consciously kick up his pace to keep up.

"So you nearly die on me and then come back as the snarkiest angel to ever live, huh."

"Are you complaining about my personality?"

Dean rolled his shoulder and smirked. "Well, it wouldn't hurt you to say I was right."

Cas just glared at him and strode on faster. "I am much more interested in getting this done with speed and efficiency."

"I support that plan. You could still say I was right." Dean couldn't help but laugh with his words.

"The faster we solve this, the faster we will get back to the cabin." He gave Dean a softer look. "Then you can be right and hear me say it."

When they got to Eddie's and asked for another snowmobile, Eddie did not seem surprised. "You following Earl up there?"

"Yeah, when did he leave?" Dean asked.

"I heard the vehicle start up about an hour ago. I looked out and saw Earl there. If it had been anyone else, I would have called the police, but Earl's a friend. I'm trusting that he'll bring it back." Eddie handed over the keys to the snowmobile. "Take good care of her. It also wouldn't hurt to, you know, maybe return the vehicles after you rent them."

"Will do, Eddie." Dean and Cas got on the vehicle. Cas held onto Dean's waist right from the start, and they raced off into the hills. Cas pressed in close, and Dean soaked up the heat of him. His fingers were splayed out on Dean's stomach like he was trying to sent out as much warmth as he could. They raced on; the air biting into Dean's flesh, what little of it was exposed.

Cas found his ear and asked, "Do we have a plan?"

"Yeah, not dying." Dean turned his head just a little and gave Cas a grin. "That and saving Earl so that we can pick up where we left off before."

"Is this another moment where we'll be making it up as we go?"

"Yep, those are the best plans, the kinds that heroes make. Now let me know when you come up with something better."

Cas tipped his head to see Dean just a little better, then he said, "Your plan is fine. I'm fine with the part where we don't die, save Earl, and return to our cabin activities."

* * *

Dean brought the snowmobile to a halt alongside the other vehicles. Earl's was parked alongside the one that Dean and Cas had abandoned before. They saw the tracks made by his snow boots. He had wandered off in much the same direction as Dean and Cas had before.

They got off of the vehicle and strode off to find Earl. Cas had out his angel blade. _Maybe that would work._ Dean had pulled out his gun. _Here's to hoping._ Cas looked at him as they crested the top of the rocky ridge. "Be careful, Dean."

"You too." Dean reached over and gave Cas' hand a slight squeeze, then dropped it to focus on the path ahead.

In the midst of the charred earth, near the cave, stood Earl and the Skoffin. It was an odd meeting. The Skoffin stood on its haunches wings spread wide at its back. Earl stood in front of it, staring up steadily. Earl had no weapons. Dean made his way down the slope, Cas at his side. Some of the rocks slipped free and tumbled down the ledge. The Skoffin heard and tipped its head to them.

They froze and had moments to wonder what would happen next before the creature launched up into the air. It soared up high making at first wide circles above them. Then the circles began shrinking. Earl was running to them. "Why are you here? You have to run."

Dean was still staring up, but he understood the message, and when Earl grabbed his arm, he let the man pull him along. He got to the top of the ridge before he realized that Cas wasn't with him. The creature was barreling down toward them. Dean turned and saw the creature's target. "Cas!" His shout stabbing out at the cold air between them. He broke free of Earl's grip and raised his gun. He fired off a shot. It went high, missing entirely. He shot again and hit the creature square in the chest. It let out a loud bellowing scream.

It did not die though. It instead redirected its path for Dean. Its wings beat once, twice and it was gusting toward them. Earl shoved him back to the ground and stood between Dean and the talons that were piercing the air ahead of it as it plummeted toward them. The creature pulled back, but not before it had knocked Earl to the ground. The creature rolled through the snow several times before coming to a stop. Its body huffed up and down in a strained effort toward breathing. Cas moved to Dean's side. "Silver didn't work."

"Thanks Captain Obvious. Worked better than your plan. Were you gonna just stare it to death?" Dean was watching the creature warily while he spoke.

"I'm going to speak with it." Dean's head whipped to Cas in an instant.

"Uh, what?"

"Stay here, and don't do anything stupid." He looked past Dean to Earl and came to the man's side. "Are you okay?"

"Little banged up, but I'm okay." Earl slowly pulled himself up. "He still wants to die."

Cas nodded, reached up to squeeze Dean's shoulder, and said, "I think I can fix this."

Dean felt a nervous energy twist about inside his stomach. A warm wash of grace spread through him for a moment and then was gone. "Cas?"

"Don't worry, Dean."

"What was that?" Cas' hand was still on his shoulder and his words did little to alleviate the worry he was feeling.

"I just wanted to while I still could." Cas smiled at him then and stalked off to the Skoffin. Dean stood frozen. He didn't know why he let Cas go. Maybe it was the confidence that laced his voice. Maybe it was the way that he looked at Dean like he would never leave him. And maybe it was because sometimes, just sometimes, you have to love someone enough to just trust them to do what is right. He trusted Cas completely. He trusted Cas with everything.

Cas moved to the creature's side and settled a hand on its neck. It let out a long high-pitched shriek. It sounded sad somehow. Cas came down into a crouch and seemed to be speaking to it. The creature let out another sound, softer this time. The moan and huff of smoky air blew some of the snow out in a whirl past Cas. Dean felt himself moving closer. Cas must have sensed him, because he held out a hand signalling that Dean should come no nearer.

The creature's long black scaled tail flicked up into the air a little and came back down to the snow in an earth shaking thump. Cas still ran his hand up and down the creature's neck, gently like he wanted to soothe the thing. Despite Cas' wishes, Dean circled around the creature. He could see its face better now. Its eyes were open and glassy. They were dark even against its jet black scales. It moved one of its wings over itself like a blanket, and Dean became nervous. The end of the wing held one long talon, deep red and dripping with poison.

He could hear Cas speaking now, but the words were not in English. They were the words of the old ones that Earl had mentioned in his story. The wing was too close to Cas. He was growing more and more nervous. The wing twitched and Dean sprang forward a step. Cas held out his hand to him again and this time said, "Stop, Dean."

The Skoffin turned its head minutely and looked at Dean. He could see himself reflected in the creature's eyes. Cas said something more to the creature as he motioned to Dean. It seemed like Cas was explaining something that involved him. The creature looked back and forth between them both. It gave Cas a nod. "What's happening, Cas?"

"I can kill him." Cas turned to Dean as he said it. "I tried to convince him to live, but he doesn't want that. I told him that I understand, that I wouldn't want to go on without you either." Dean took a step closer. "No, Dean. Stay there. I don't want you to get hurt."

"What are you doing?"

"It'll be fine Dean. I want this, and he does too." Dean felt the same fear rising in his chest again, and then the wing flicked up from the dragon, just barely grazing Cas' chest. Dean ran to him, but it was too late. Cas sank to his knees.

"No!" Dean was yelling.

Cas turned his head to him and somehow with a mere look, Dean knew to stop. "Don't be afraid for me. Everything will be fine." Cas turned back to the Skoffin and cupped its face in his hands. A brilliant pulse of grace filled the space all around him. Dean shielded his eyes and the space burned bright and hot. He fell to his knees now too. The heat passed and the brightness slipped away.

Dean opened his eyes and the Skoffin was still, his face lovingly cradled in Cas' hands. Dean crawled over to Cas. He released the creature's face and reached out to Dean. He pulled Dean up into his arms. It seemed to take all of Cas' strength to do just that. Dean's hand was a fist, and he punched at Cas' chest. "Don't do that. Don't you take risks like that. I could've lost you." Dean was equal parts angry and relieved. Cas just held him and pressed his face down into Dean's hair. Dean could feel him breathing him in. The tickle of air from Cas trailed along his scalp.

Dean pulled back suddenly, "I told you not to be afraid."

"You're breathing." Dean reached up to him, pressing his palm to Cas' chest where he found a steady heartbeat.

"I suppose I'll be doing more of that from here on out." Cas just kept looking at him, a slight smile playing out at the edges of his lips.

"You used up your grace."

"I did. He had to give me some more poison first. I pushed it around inside of me a bit, and when I shared with him my true form, it was poisoned enough with him that it was like looking at one of his own. It burned up the last of the grace though."

Dean reached up to him and held his face in his hands. "This make you human?"

"Not quite, but human enough." Cas leaned down and pressed his forehead to Dean's.

"Guess you got what you wanted." Dean stroked the edge of Cas' face with his thumb.

Cas raised an eyebrow saying, "Well, two out of three." He smiled at Dean's look of confusion and added, "Let's head back to the cabin now, and I can tell you just how right you were about everything."

Dean smiled back and helped him up, "Sure Casanova, but first we need to take care of all of this." They stood for a few moments and regarded the creature before they moved off toward Earl to plan a way to dispose of the body.

* * *

It took some time to get what they needed. The body was dealt with through a simple burning, if one could call burning something of that size simple at all. Dean had contacted the forestry service to assure them that it would be a control burn and not to worry. It took a lot of convincing. The cold light of day had faded into night by the time they had started the fire. The flames licked the sky in orange forks. They moved back up the hill from the fire and watched as it raged and eventually burned down to embers and ash. While it burned, Dean reached out to Cas and took his hand. Earl stood off to the side with Leif. He had gone home and gotten her, so that she wouldn't worry.

"What did he say to you at the end?" Dean leaned in and asked.

"He said thank you." Cas leaned his head over and rested it against Dean's.

"You knew that you were going to use up your grace before you even approached it, didn't you?"

"I did."

"That's why you wormed your way through me one more time?" Dean felt Cas' thumb moving over his knuckles and he turned to him a little.

"I wanted to make sure that there was nothing that needed healing one last time. I also just wanted to see you once more like that, like an angel, before I spent the rest of my life looking at you like a man." Dean brought his other hand up to Cas' face and settled a kiss on his brow. "What was that for?"

"For everything, for you, for that." They stayed like that in the glow of the fire until it seemed safe enough to go. The embers would glow long after. Eventually the land would produce life there again. The wind would blow through the valley, and the ashes would scatter. In time, no one would know what had taken place in that space.

Dean, Cas, Leif, and Earl made their way back to the vehicles in silence. They returned all three of the snowmobiles back to Eddie, who was quite happy to have them all back, if not a little surprised. They walked arm in arm, back to the cabins, said goodnight to each other, and parted.

Dean stood in the center of the room for a moment and cast a glance around the space. Cas closed the door behind him and leaned back against it. "You think we should start heading back to the bunker tonight or tomorrow?" Dean tossed off the question as he pulled off one of his outer layers.

He barely got it over his head before he felt Cas' body rush him, tossing him back onto the bed. "Like I said before, two out of three. I'd like to have a complete victory." Dean laughed up at him as he pulled the shirt the rest of the way off of Dean's arms.

"I think you were going to tell me that I was right or something too." Cas shut him up with a kiss of such force, that Dean was certain that Cas had forgotten that breathing was now a thing.

He leaned back and positively gasped for air. Dean laughed at him again. "You are everything that is right, Dean Winchester."

"Not the same thing, Cas." Dean waggled his eyebrows a little.

"Close enough." Cas kissed him again, and Dean temporarily forgot what it was that they were talking about.

"I was right," he managed to whisper. Cas ran his hands up his sides, sending out shivers over his body.

"Next you'll be telling me that I have to buy you dinner first again, because you are a classy guy or something."

Dean felt his body buck up a little involuntarily. Cas grinned at that. "I'll take a raincheck for now. After all you did get me breakfast the other day." Dean slipped his hands past the waistband of Cas' pants and kneaded at the flesh and muscles there.

As they settled into each other's rhythms and movements, clothes found their way to the floor. They climbed up the bed to scurry under the sheets. Dean wondered when he had gotten so comfortable with this, with Cas. The kisses gentled and spread out over their bodies. They took their time learning the new landscapes and pleasures that each had to offer. Dean found the place low on Cas' ribcage that he could graze over with his lips. It caused Cas to twitch a little and then laugh. "Weird," he had said.

"Ticklish," Dean had corrected, and did it again and again, until Cas figured out how to stop him. At first it was just a slight touch, a graze of fingers, and then Cas' hand fisted around him. And Dean was lost. His eyes closed as he gave his thoughts over fully to the pleasure in that moment. Cas nuzzled into his neck, and sucked a mark there. Dean wondered how he knew what pleased. He opened his eyes and let his gaze wander over Cas' body. His skin tanned and smooth when viewed next to the piles of snow white sheets pooled around them.

Cas pulled himself up and looked down at Dean, never ceasing in his efforts toward Dean's pleasure. Dean arched back a bit into the pillows and felt Cas speed up his movements. He looked down and saw how much Cas wanted this too. He started to reach out to him, but Cas guided his hand away. He settled it onto his hip. "Not yet."

"So close." Cas pulled Dean up to him and kissed him through it all, kissed him past the moment of shudders and gasps. He kissed him back to his pillows, raking his hand through his hair.

He pulled back and whispered close to Dean, so close that their air belonged to each other. "I love humanity a great deal."

Dean rolled them both over and looked down at Cas now, feeling the want and need pressed against him. "Same." He dipped down and kissed him, and thought that he would never grow tired of this and of all of the ways that he would get to be with Cas. He hoped that Cas would not regret his choice. He hoped that he would have enough of humanity to give him. He hoped that Cas would know what it meant to him, what it would always mean to him, to be chosen. Most of all he hoped that Cas knew what it meant to him that he just wanted to stay, because in all the world, there had been nothing that Dean had wanted more.

With a gentle grind of Cas' hips and a warm smile sent upward, Dean knew that regret would not enter into their future. They had regrets enough in the past for a lifetime. Their hips were pressed tight to one another, and Cas was moving beneath him slow and languid at first. Dean focused on this movement and on the friction that he was giving to Cas. Their breathing seemed to sync up as Dean leaned over him, rocking gently with each grind of their bodies. Cas' voice husked out just one word on repeat, "Dean," and with the first utterance, Dean leaned down closer, letting his chest fall across Cas. He matched Cas' movements and the pace picked up. "Dean," he said again, and that one word was intoxicating when spoken in Cas' low tones. It was a prayer set to repeat, and the sound of it coursed through Dean like Cas' grace had mere hours before.

Dean had prayed to Cas a million times it seemed. He had prayed for help and also to just connect, to feel that they might be in that moment occupying the same space. In those moments Dean had felt that his own prayers had moved through Cas, had become a part of him. It was for Dean and likely for Cas too, an act more intimate than anything physical they could have accomplished. Yet here they were, Dean's name falling between them with such reverence. Their bodies rocking together, a frenzied bit of worship between them.

And though Dean was already satisfied, Cas' movements, his focus on Dean's face, the way that he called out his name, made Dean feel so much more than he had before. The friction between them was propelling Cas to the end. Each breath now was Dean's name. Dean pulled him up in the last moments. Cas pressed his face into the crook of Dean's neck and trailed kisses down his shoulder. He bit down a little into Dean's flesh there. Dean smiled at the rush of pleasure that he gained from that. Cas was shaking now with the moment. He said Dean's name against the space that he bit. Dean pulled him back with him as he settled onto the mattress. Cas was on top of him now, their bodies a sticky mess between them.

Cas rested his head just beneath Dean's chin, his ear pressed to Dean's chest. Dean leaned toward him and kissed into the mass of messy brown hair. This was his and theirs. This was what had been missing and also there all along. A little contented hum came from Cas. It might have been Dean's name again. Dean ran his hand up Cas' back, letting it come to rest between his shoulder blades. His thumb moved lazily back and forth. Dean kissed him again, and let his thoughts flow onward to all that lay ahead of them and the pleasure at hand.

* * *

 **AN: Well, that is the end. I hope that you all enjoyed it. Special thanks to my readers here, Igniting and rainystv, for always saying the nicest, most thoughtful things. To all of you, I wish for you happy holidays and an even better new year. Thank you for always lifting up my writing and making me feel like a million bucks here.**

 ***If you didn't see it before, this fic has a tiny cover that I made for it. It's posted on my Tumblr blog at spearywritesstuff.**


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